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*Warning – strong language*

Ok so 50 Shades of Grey. They say you can’t polish a turd, but I believe a good adaptation can absolutely bring the best parts of an otherwise crap piece of writing to life and make it something entirely fresh and visually strong. Sadly this was NOT one of those adaptations. This poor little film had so much potential, and there were so many bad choices made in the structuring, pacing and dialogue that it’s hard to know where to begin. So instead, here’s a few observations. 1) If you are a practicing Dominant or Submissive, I feel like this film would probably be an insult to your lifestyle choice, because there’s this huge implication that it’s not a choice ‘normal’ people would make: only those who are either naïve or confused, or who need to sort out their Oedipal issues. I’m sure it’s true to say that for many people, this lifestyle brings a great deal of physical and emotional fulfillment. I know you can’t portray EVERYONE’S experience, but the way it was shown in 50 Shades was way too reductive. 2) Anyone who says this film glorifies domestic violence and is offensive to women is speaking absolute bull***t. It’s NOT the job of films, tv shows, art or literature to be any kind of moral compass. If we stopped showing films that could be potentially offensive or personally triggering, then 99% of films could not be shown, so yeah this really annoys me. Obviously. 3) Idiots who buy a ticket to this film (and let’s face it, EVERYONE knows what they’re in for) and then proceed to get up and leave mid-film (?????) are just so f**king annoying. People who leave mid-film are non-committal, passive aggressive pieces of sh*t.

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